Funny Quotes

 All right everyone, line up Alphabetically according to your Height. 

Casey Stengel

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 Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts. 

Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)

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 Before you Criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you Have Their Shoes. 

Jack Handey

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 Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. 

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 Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with Slow Internet to see who they really are. 

Will Ferrell

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 Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday. 

Lin-Manuel Miranda

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 As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices:
Take it or Leave it. 

Buddy Hackett

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 The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. 

Bill Watterson

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 But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. 

Carl Sagan

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 My favorite machine at the gym is the Vending machine. 

Caroline Rhea

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